Cheese, Buzzfeed, and Breakfast: PART 2 OF 2

I know that the Breakfast Community has been waiting on the edge of their nooks this week as they wait for the exciting conclusion to the Buzzfeed Breakfast two-part query. 

To recap, the question was:

Are Mac-Cakes Breakfast? Is Breakfast Mac Breakfast? Or must I choose sides between Buzzfeed and Breakfast?

And the determination thus far has been:

Mac-cakes are Not Breakfast. Buzzfeed is Not a Newspaper. 

But is Breakfast Mac (pictured below in Buzzfeed's photo by Sara Remington) Breakfast? That remains to be seen. 

To the polls! Or rather, let's go back to Guest Committee Member Dis, who was once, long ago, on the verge of weighing in on Part 2...


2.     "Breakfast" Mac and Cheese

Let's review what this even is: crispy bacon mac and cheese, with some eggs on top. Ah, you say! Look at the exemption above! This is a clear case of Breakfast! (Co-chair note: This refers to Part 1 of the determination, in which Dis optimistically suggests that any leftovers topped with eggs become Breakfast.)

Not so fast, my concerned friend. The exemption clearly only applies to leftovers, not freshly prepared dishes. So, let's take a full look at this thing. It consists of standard crispy mac and cheese, with bacon added. Now, in another time and place, before bacon began appearing, well, everywhere, the addition of the crispy Breakfast meat may have gained this dish qualification to the hallowed realm of Breakfast. But things have changed. No longer is the inclusion of bacon enough to make this Breakfast.

And really, nothing else about this says "Breakfast!" or even "Breakfast?" This hearty, artery-clogging goodness is really just lunch or dinner masquerading as morning food. For further proof, look to the recommendations for beer and wine pairings with the food. Now, I'm all for a good breakfast drink, and will happily refer to you the Committee's earlier treatise on Bloody Marys and their proper place at the Breakfast table (but not as Breakfast!). I fully support the Breakfast Beer. But, if you're drinking a glass of Rose with the meal, it's just not Breakfast. 

So, confusingly, Mac 'N' Cheese for Breakfast is Not Actually Breakfast. 

Sadly, it does appear as though you need to choose sides between Buzzfeed and Breakfast. Good thing the choice is clear. 

May all your Breakfasts be sunny-side up,
Guest Committee Member Dis


Guest Committee Member Dis makes some good points here, Concerned Buzzfeeder. Although I remain skeptical of his claim that an egg topping of leftovers has the magical ability to transform leftover dinner into Breakfast, we agree that the power of bacon has been diluted due to overexposure. (For other examples, see fixed gear bicycles and Scarlett Johannson.)

Even more damning is the fact that Mac 'N' Cheese for Breakfast inevitably involves a noodle product. There are no noodles in Breakfasttown.

As a side note, it's best to be skeptical when you see a menu item that contains the words Breakfast, Lunch, or Dinner in its title. This is either a troubling redundancy, or it can indicate the sort of "whimsical" establishment that cannot be trusted to properly categorize its food. Just think: If I had a laundry-themed restaurant and made up a menu item that was called Breakfast Socks and it was socks with an egg on top, would that be Breakfast? No! Also that restaurant would probably not be in business for very long.

So, yeah, no, Breakfast Mac is a Breakfast Imposter.

The Committee has determined:

Breakfast Mac 'N' Cheese Is Not Breakfast. 

So, Buzzfeed is 0 for 2 on Breakfast.

I also must thank you for your hard work and your relative patience with this determination, Guest Committee Member Dis.

And lastly, my dear Breakfast Devotees, it is with a medium-weight heart that I must tell you that this is the final decision and the penultimate entry of the What Is Breakfast Committee. It feels good to end the determinations the way we started back in 2008: by saying no.

Cheese, Buzzfeed, and Breakfast: PART 1 OF 2

The Committee is pleased as breakfast punch to introduce our new Guest Committee Member, Dis, a west-coast Breakfast Advocate who will be assisting us with this important, two-part query:

Dear Committee: 

A recent Buzzfeed article* offered several alt-mac-'n'-cheese recipes, including Mac 'N' Cheese Pancakes and something called Breakfast Mac.  

Are Mac-Cakes Breakfast? Is Breakfast Mac Breakfast? Or must I choose sides between Buzzfeed and Breakfast?

Sincerely,

Concerned Buzzfeed Breakfaster

Dear Concerned Buzzfeed Breakfaster,

First off, thank you for your inquiry. Without concerned (potential) Breakfasters like you, we would not be here to serve the community in the best way we know how—through defining the Breakfast choices of others. 

You have posed a query concerning two parts: mac and cheese pancakes, and "making mac and cheese for Breakfast." But, let us not forget the title of this article: "3 Extra-Crispy Ways to Eat Mac 'N' Cheese." The intent of this article is to convince its readers to somehow eat macaroni and cheese in some godless manner, by deviating from the standard blue box and making it extra crispy. The Kraft dinosaur from the blue box would be disappointed in you. 

If I were less lazy, that would be photoshopped to be a thumbs down. 

Needless to say, these dishes begin in an already tenuous position for making their case to be Breakfast. Let's address the two questions in turn, shall we, Concerned? (Co-chair note: The second part of this answer must be withheld till next week's query, due to time constraints. Stay tuned!)

1.   Mac 'N' Cheese Pancakes

First things first: the article defines this dish as pancakes, but describes macaroni and cheese, breaded, then fried. Since it attempts to define itself as a pancake, it raises a question we may take for granted: What truly is a pancake? Let's keep it simple—take it away, Merriam Webster. 

"a thin, flat, round cake that is made by cooking batter on both sides in a frying pan or on a hot surface (called a griddle)."

Fair enough, dictionary. So, do these creations even qualify as pancakes? No, no they do not. There is no batter, only crispy macaroni and cheese. So, despite trying to be shoehorned in to the Great Breakfast Pancake Compromise of 1997, wherein the powers that be treated over eggs, toast, meats, and thin round cakes made by cooking batter on both sides, and determined that even absurd pancakes that are truly just an excuse to eat cupcakes for Breakfast would be counted, the macaroni and cheese "pancake" is Not Breakfast.

But, you say, what about a situation where you have leftover macaroni and cheese pancakes, you re-heat them, and you throw some eggs on top to make it Breakfast? Under the 2013 ruling by Guest Judge Dis, where it was posited that any leftover item with eggs on top shall be considered Breakfast,** it would qualify. However, the recipe itself states: "Eat the pancakes as soon as they are ready for maximum crispiness and cheesy gooeyness." So, dear friend, again, Not Breakfast, as it has disqualified itself from Dis Leftover Exemption. 

Dear CBR,

First of all, never fear: Guest Committee Member Dis didn't fall asleep there. Part 2 of his determination will be brought to you next week, when he addresses the claims of Breakfast Mac!

Secondly, Buzzfeed: Okay, Buzzfeed straightup is not a reliable source of anything. You need to accept that if you're going to make it as a human being. I ran a quick search on the phrase "a recent Buzzfeed article" and two of the top results were "9 Totally Bizarre and Wonderful Fashion Pizzas" and "The 17 Stages of Rainbow Loom Obsession." This is not a place where information goes. This is a place where--

Alright, I just looked at the fashion pizzas and I must admit that I have never before seen that level of precision in cheese placement. Still, worthwhile pizza news coverage aside, Buzzfeed doesn't have the integrity of a place like the What Is Breakfast Committee, which has sworn to protect the name of Breakfast, or die trying. (I'm not sure if our Guest Committee Members are all aware of the severity of the Committee's oath, so this is probably a good time to let them know what they've signed up for.) 

Which is why you can believe me when I say that, for all of the reasons that Guest Committee Member Dis has already mentioned, and because squishing dinner into the shape of a Breakfast food only makes it an impostor, no, Mac-Cakes are Not Breakfast.

The Committee promises you:

Mac-Cakes are Not Breakfast.

And Buzzfeed is not a newspaper.

*At the time of this query.
**According to our minutes and Co-chair Jessy's feelings on the topic, this is not an official What Is Breakfast Committee Determination.