Toast + Sadness = ?

Today the Committee will be joined by yet another up-and-coming Guest Committee Member, Guest Committee Member Steve. Steve is a writer and a Breakfast-eater who isn't afraid of tackling tough Breakfast problems. Welcome, Steve! The Committee appreciates your help as we continue to work through our formidable backlog of Breakfast queries.

Speaking of which, let's go to the inbox!


Dear What Is Breakfast Committee:

This morning was a normal morning with a normal breakfast—buttered and jammed toast with coffee. I washed the dishes, swept the floor, and immediately proceeded to make another cup of coffee and two more pieces of toast. 

What is this second meal? Is it still breakfast, or has it passed on lunch? Or something in between? And why do I eat when I'm sad? And why didn't this second breakfastlunchthing fill the empty part of my heart like I thought it would? 

-David Black- and Empty-Hearted


David, 

Let's start with a fact: Toast and Coffee is Breakfast.

You raise a very good question, however—does the scope of Breakfast extend beyond the initial food-engagement period? Separately, these food-engagements qualify as Breakfast. But does the interstice constitute the beginning of a new meal?

As a rule of thumb, there is a forty-five minute window wherein you can resume Breakfast, no matter the activities undertaken between the first and second food-engagements. If your dishwashing and floor sweeping did not exceed forty-five minutes, and you resumed eating directly after those activities, you are still in Breakfast. If your chores took an hour, the second food-engagement qualifies as Shitty Lunch.

Now to the more pressing issue—your emotional eating. Thank you for bravely discussing your habits with the What Is Breakfast Committee.

I can't speak for all meals, but Breakfast carries with it a great deal of baggage. You have woken to the world, and you'd like to begin the day on a good note. There is innately a lot of pressure attached to Breakfast. The goal is to make Breakfast a positive experience, to serve as a catalyst for more positive experiences throughout the day. Like any emotional eater, once the pleasure of eating is gone, the roots of your negative emotions remain. Your decision to perform small tasks is good, in theory, but once those tasks are completed, your emotional hunger is likely to return. So, how can you help to prevent this emotional hunger?

After your first successful attempt at Breakfast, and after washing dishes and sweeping the floor, why not take a walk? Perhaps you could meet a friend for that second coffee? Take a pottery class at your local community center. Engage in life outside of your home, and outside of Breakfast. Food can be comforting and celebratory, but if you’re not parlaying those positive feelings into more positive feelings, you run the risk of falling into an emotionally negative cycle, much like you're describing.

Also, it's hard to fill a hole in your heart with refined grains and stimulants. Grab an apple and get out there!

Best,
Steve


David,

You thought you were done with Breakfast, but turns out you weren't.

Love,
Jessy


The Committee Believes:

Any Amount of Toast and Coffee Consumed Within a Reasonable Amount of Time in the Morning is Breakfast.

Further information can be found here.

Frappuccino vs. Strudel

We're back, Friends of Breakfast! And we return with a whole soupload of talented Guest Committee Members to help you with all of your breakfast judgment needs.

The first of the newcomers is Guest Committee Member Lesley, who takes a modest approach to her Breakfast expertise. When interviewed for the position, she stated that, although she "always breakfasts and prefers [her] breakfasts to be delicious," she was not sure that she had the highest possible breakfast standards. However, she then proceeded to list all of her recent breakfasts, which all included members of Breakfast in good standing. We the Committee are delighted to welcome her to the table. 

Dear What Is Breakfast Committee,

I am deciding between A) a coffee frappuccino, made in my blender with ice cream and yesterday's coffee, or B) a Toaster Strudel. Obviously I want to pick the most breakfasty option, but I am torn because A sounds more like a milkshake and B — well I'm not sure B has any real "food" in it at all, mainly cardboard with a jelly filling. Help!

Yours,

Shades

PS I will be eagerly awaiting a reply, as I am hungry and incapable of making my own decisions.

Guest Committee Member Lesley:

Dear Shades, 

I hope you have learned your lesson and are now stocking your pantry with appropriate breakfast foods, like oatmeal and bagels. Your dilemma was so challenging, it took months of deliberation to come up with a suitable recommendation. Finally, I realized I was missing a glaringly obvious disqualifier: ice cream. Ice cream is not breakfast unless it is overpowered by a food that is overwhelmingly breakfasty, like scrambled eggs. One might argue that coffee makes the ice cream breakfast, but this is not so. Coffee is a drink. Drinks are merely incidental to the breakfast meal and do not have the power to wash away the sins of a dessert food masquerading as breakfast. Although I would say that a Toaster Strudel's claim to the breakfastness is tenuous at best, it is certainly the more breakfasty of the two options. 

Final vote: Ice cream plus coffee does not equal Breakfast. Toaster Strudel is only Breakfast by default. 

Co-chair Jessy:

Dear Shades of Strudel,

I agree wholeheartedly with my promising young Guest Committee Member in all respects. Although, unfortunately, now I can't stop thinking about eating eggs with ice cream. And I am a little concerned that our belief in the breakfastness of Toaster Strudels has been forged out of mere cardboard and jelly by the mad men of Pillsbury's marketing team.

Final vote: Day-old Coffee Blended with Ice Cream is Not Breakfast. A Toaster Strudel is Breakfast Because I am a Product of the Capitalist Machine.

The Committee Has Determined:

A Frappuccino is Not Breakfast. A Toaster Strudel is Breakfast When the Cupboards are Bare. Eggs and Ice Cream Should Never Be Eaten or Thought of at the Same Time.

Repentance, Resolutions, and Coffee For Breakfast

The WIBC apologizes, yet again, for its tardiness in replying to its many queries. But it recognizes that after so many apologies, it is time to stop apologizing and truly repent.

Thus, in the spirit of pre-new-year resolutions, the Committee is going to boldly attempt to provide you, in the year of our Lord two-thousand-and-eleven, with a new Breakfast Determination each Friday.

So send in those queries, breakfast-curious. The answers are on their way!

In other news, the Committee has decided to give Guest Committee Member David Ells another chance. He may have a split-personality disorder, but it is knowledge of Breakfast that counts in this industry.

Enough business. ON TO THE QUERY!

Dear Committee,

Re: the hot chocolate/Bailey's post.

Coffee = breakfast.

Of course!

Riiight??

Signed,

Confused Gypsy in NoCal

Jessy: I know I'm going to draw some fire for this one, but I'm going to go ahead and say it: in my opinion, Coffee, while standing as a key ingredient in many Breakfasts, is Not Breakfast on its own. In fact, I would submit that a Beverage can only support a meal, not stand alone as a meal on its own merits.

For example, if you drink orange juice for "breakfast" without any solid food accompaniment, you are not eating Breakfast, but rather are participating in a temporary juice fast. Although juice fasts have many excellent health benefits, being Breakfast is not one of them.

Similarly, if you had coffee for "breakfast," it's more like you started Breakfast and forgot to finish. And, as we all know, "almost only counts in horseshoes." So think about that next time you're playing horseshoes, Gypsy.

David Ells: "If it's not in your cup, you're out of luck. And if you need a maxim in time, just use slant rhyme" as they say. So, no, yeah, totally. Breakfast.

The What Is Breakfast Committee Has Determined:

Coffee By Itself is Not Breakfast. Nor Are Slant Rhymes.

On an unrelated note, The Committee is now accepting applications for new Guest Committee Members.

Dear What Is Breakfast Committee,

I just fished a full bite of chocolate chip cookie from the bottom of my coffee with a spoon that had crusty refried beans and green-chili sauce on it. This happened at roughly 2:55 p.m and did indeed bring a fast to a successful termination. Is this breakfast?

Clearly I then ate the bite of chocolate chip cookie. And it tasted nice.

Signed,
Malnourished in Montauk

Chanelle: While the defendant in this case rightly reminds us of the etymology of the word "breakfast" as referring to the breaking of a fast, it has long been recognized that the fast in question alludes to the automatic, involuntary fast produced by the state of sleep. Perhaps, however, the defendant had just awoken from sleep at 2:55 pm and could argue that the consumed item broke the specific sleep-induced fast implied in the literal meaning of "breakfast." To this I say: it matters not. No no no and no. Final Vote: Absolutely Not Breakfast.

Jessy: That is, indeed, Absolutely Not Breakfast. However, if we ever decide to form a sister committee called the What Is Disgusting Committee, that would definitely qualify.

The Commitee's Resolve is Unshakable:

Coffee-drenched (?) cookie piece with refried bean-and-green-chili-sauce residue consumed at 2:55 pm is Absolutely Not Breakfast.