Thursday, September 24, 2009

Dear What is Breakfast Committee,

Does a large Caramel High Rise from Caribou Coffee and a Cinnamon Scone count as breakfast? Might I add, the Carmel High Rise has caramel drizzle that then sinks to the bottom adding this intensely delicious sediment layer that must be consistently sifted for maximum enjoyment. So some work is involved in this breakfast endeavor. I also walked 4 blocks from the train stop to get to said breakfast. Does any exercise prior to consumption help with your impending judgment?

Faithfully Unhealthy in the Morning,
Anonymous (Jason)

Jessy: A cinnamon scone, though not possessing any of the nutritional value that a Breakfast should ideally possess, is still a traditional breakfast food. Also, a coffee (if that is indeed a coffee that Anonymous is describing - it could just be caramel and milk, which is kind of gross) could be considered a traditional breakfast accompaniment, although not a traditional stand-alone food by any means. So the question that now arises is, are traditional breakfast foods still Breakfast after they have been bastardized by an overuse of frostings, caramels, and possibly even some whipped cream? Is a breakfast without any nutritional value still Breakfast? Also, perhaps the weight of the decision should remain on the scone, given that coffee is a chameleon drink that can be comfortable in many different types of meals and situations. Although I am personally inclined to take away some Breakfast Points for the lovingly-described sugary sediment in the bottom of the cup, which seems to suggest more Dessert of Breakfast than Breakfast, I don't want to overstep my role as a Committee Member. At the moment, I'm leaning towards A Nutritionally Defunct Facsimile of Breakfast.

Also, on an unrelated side note: four blocks is not very far.

Stacie: Five years ago I would have said, "Of course it's breakfast, you're eating it in the morning." In the present I say, "Wow, that's a lot of sugar in your coffee. But the scone has cinnamon." In the future, I'd say, "Do you know what breakfast means?" And to the future me I'd present that breakfast is literally "breaking the fast." So of course this and really all things that you consume after a long period of time not eating something is breakfast. This, however, is a very sugary breakfast.

Final vote: I don't know what breakfast is anymore and you should next time just eat a cup of sugar for breakfast. Or an apple.

Jessy: Okay, having further checked out the Caramel High Rise (Copyright Caribou Coffee), I have determined that this drink does involve espresso, but also appears to contain a much higher quantity of whipped cream than is traditionally present with Breakfast. It does, however, contain a fifth of the average human's recommended daily calories, which, combined with the typical caloric count of a scone from this same location, equals at least 40% of the daily recommended intake. So it's possible that this is not only breakfast, but also lunch.

With that in mind,
The Committee's Final Decision Is:

Stacie Is Fired.

(Oh, and yeah, That's Breakfast.)


Leftover Valentine's said...

I think you should hire Stacie back so that you can fire her again.

Stackie said...

I concur.