Friday, January 7, 2011

Not Food = Not Breakfast

Dear What Is Breakfast Committee,

This morning I got so excited when my alarm went off that I ate my rug. It was surprisingly delicious and, while perhaps not the most excellent visitor for my GI, it nonetheless resulted in a satiating and exhilarating experience. Was that Breakfast?

Brittany in Belfast

Guest Committee Member Jordan: No, Brittany's floor covering is Not Breakfast. While we should all be so excited for the dawning of a new day, I do wonder if this was the dawning of Brittany's FIRST day, judging by her actions. Or, perhaps it's just her first day in a while... maybe she's a cavewoman discovered in a block of ice by two teens digging to build a swimming pool? There's lots of explanations, but the good news is that I think Brittany shouldn't be disappointed by the news that the rug was Not Breakfast. Instead, she should take solace, and even joy, in the fact that as scrumptious as those fibers of thick fabric likely were, breakfast has so much more to offer her in the future. She has much to look forward to as she begins to start her day with a meal of items that were intended to be eaten, and not walked upon.

Jessy: Uh... yeah, rugs Aren't Breakfast. But I too am impressed with Brittany's ability to enjoy their unique flavour.

Just to be clear:

Home Furnishings In General are Not Breakfast.

Unless you live in a gingerbread house.

In which case, they're still Not Breakfast.