Tuesday, November 10, 2009

scandal at the breakfast table

You know what else isn't Breakfast, Guest Committee Member David Ells? HAVING TWO IDENTITIES.

You may remember, breakfast loyalists, David Ells' debut as a Guest Committee Member last month. At the time, the Committee deeply appreciated his elegant and thorough rebuttal to Skeptical in Saskatchewan's accusations against the substantiality of the Committee. We still appreciate that. However, The What Is Breakfast Committee was recently contacted for an interview by the Associated Press, who had apparently been leaked some shocking information:

David Ells, who so tidily responded to Skeptical in Saskatchewan's hate mail, is actually, himself, in fact, really, Skeptical in Saskatchewan.

I hate to be the bearer of sad tidings, but it was important to the Committee that you find out from us first. I apologise for any heartbreak or unnecessary soul searching this may cause. The Committee assures you that they are participating with you in this process of grief and recovery, although they are admittedly somewhat flattered that someone would feel so convicted about their unfairness to Breakfast that they would take on another personality in an elaborate plan of retraction. (Although, if it were us, we would probably just, y'know, print a retraction.)

Despite this new information, The Committee stands by any and all Breakfast determinations to which David Ells/Skeptical has previously contributed. His position as a Guest Committee Member is undecided, pending a psych eval.

Dear W(I)BC,

Is a Clif Bar(registered trademark), a banana, and not-corporate coffee considered Breakfast? Mind you, the coffee was made in a french press, which I think is more breakfasty.

Anonymous in Andersonville (but not anonymous, just don't look at the email address, k?)

Jessy: Holy @#!$, Anonymous - That IS Breakfast! The Committee is proud.

However, you still don't get breakfast points for any of the things you think you should get breakfast points for.

(GCM) David Ells: I'm glad you pointed out the fact that Clif Bar is a registered trademark. As you know, our policy is very strict on the issue of trademarked brands. WIBC's online publication will run this query unedited, but all print, broadcast and mimeographed versions will replace "Clif Bar" with BRAND NAME REMOVED DUE TO TRADEMARK INFRINGEMENT.

Trademark infringement is Not Breakfast. Your meal that morning is Breakfast.

The Committee Is Pleased to Announce:

A banana, a cup of french-pressed coffee, and a trademarkly-infringed Clif Bar(TM) Is Breakfast.