Monday, March 21, 2016

What Is Breakfast Anyway?

Beloved Friends of Breakfast:

Co-Chair Jessy here, with some final words on the topic of Breakfast.

Perhaps you may have noticed the X-Files-length gap in Committee decisions, prior to the most recent post. This is due to many factors, such as Co-Chair Chanelle having a child and my waning interest in telling other people what to eat. (Which, oddly enough, seemed to coincide with me becoming a vegan.)

The fact is, the world changes and we must change with it. And a few days ago, when I was walking to work and wishing that I could have Thai food for Breakfast, I had to face the fact that I am not the same woman who once fired a Guest Committee Member for saying that a scone qualified as Breakfast. I can no longer guide you in the same high standards of Breakfast. And do I even need to?

It can be intimidating to try and answer big questions like "What is Breakfast?" and "What will I have for Breakfast?" for yourself, sure. But I believe in you, Breakfasters. And I hope that Chanelle and I and our many generous Guest Committee Members have given you some guidelines that will hopefully help you make educated Breakfast guesses. 

And in the end, that's all any of us can really do.

Thanks for listening.

May all of your Breakfasts be Breakfasts,
Co-Chair Jessy

Monday, March 14, 2016

Cheese, Buzzfeed, and Breakfast: PART 2 OF 2

I know that the Breakfast Community has been waiting on the edge of their nooks this week as they wait for the exciting conclusion to the Buzzfeed Breakfast two-part query. 

To recap, the question was:

Are Mac-Cakes Breakfast? Is Breakfast Mac Breakfast? Or must I choose sides between Buzzfeed and Breakfast?

And the determination thus far has been:

Mac-cakes are Not Breakfast. Buzzfeed is Not a Newspaper. 

But is Breakfast Mac (pictured below in Buzzfeed's photo by Sara Remington) Breakfast? That remains to be seen. 

To the polls! Or rather, let's go back to Guest Committee Member Dis, who was once, long ago, on the verge of weighing in on Part 2...

2.     "Breakfast" Mac and Cheese

Let's review what this even is: crispy bacon mac and cheese, with some eggs on top. Ah, you say! Look at the exemption above! This is a clear case of Breakfast! (Co-chair note: This refers to Part 1 of the determination, in which Dis optimistically suggests that any leftovers topped with eggs become Breakfast.)

Not so fast, my concerned friend. The exemption clearly only applies to leftovers, not freshly prepared dishes. So, let's take a full look at this thing. It consists of standard crispy mac and cheese, with bacon added. Now, in another time and place, before bacon began appearing, well, everywhere, the addition of the crispy Breakfast meat may have gained this dish qualification to the hallowed realm of Breakfast. But things have changed. No longer is the inclusion of bacon enough to make this Breakfast.

And really, nothing else about this says "Breakfast!" or even "Breakfast?" This hearty, artery-clogging goodness is really just lunch or dinner masquerading as morning food. For further proof, look to the recommendations for beer and wine pairings with the food. Now, I'm all for a good breakfast drink, and will happily refer to you the Committee's earlier treatise on Bloody Marys and their proper place at the Breakfast table (but not as Breakfast!). I fully support the Breakfast Beer. But, if you're drinking a glass of Rose with the meal, it's just not Breakfast. 

So, confusingly, Mac 'N' Cheese for Breakfast is Not Actually Breakfast

Sadly, it does appear as though you need to choose sides between Buzzfeed and Breakfast. Good thing the choice is clear. 

May all your Breakfasts be sunny-side up,
Guest Committee Member Dis

Guest Committee Member Dis makes some good points here, Concerned Buzzfeeder. Although I remain skeptical of his claim that an egg topping of leftovers has the magical ability to transform leftover dinner into Breakfast, we agree that the power of bacon has been diluted due to overexposure. (For other examples, see fixed gear bicycles and Scarlett Johannson.)

Even more damning is the fact that Mac 'N' Cheese for Breakfast inevitably involves a noodle product. There are no noodles in Breakfasttown.

As a side note, it's best to be skeptical when you see a menu item that contains the words Breakfast, Lunch, or Dinner in its title. This is either a troubling redundancy, or it can indicate the sort of "whimsical" establishment that cannot be trusted to properly categorize its food. Just think: If I had a laundry-themed restaurant and made up a menu item that was called Breakfast Socks and it was socks with an egg on top, would that be Breakfast? No! Also that restaurant would probably not be in business for very long.

So, yeah, no, Breakfast Mac is a Breakfast Imposter.

The Committee has determined:

Breakfast Mac 'N' Cheese Is Not Breakfast. 

So, Buzzfeed is 0 for 2 on Breakfast.

I also must thank you for your hard work and your relative patience with this determination, Guest Committee Member Dis.

And lastly, my dear Breakfast Devotees, it is with a medium-weight heart that I must tell you that this is the final decision and the penultimate entry of the What Is Breakfast Committee. It feels good to end the determinations the way we started back in 2008: by saying no.