Sunday, March 3, 2013

Frappuccino vs. Strudel

We're back, Friends of Breakfast! And we return with a whole soupload of talented Guest Committee Members to help you with all of your breakfast judgment needs.

The first of the newcomers is Guest Committee Member Lesley, who takes a modest approach to her Breakfast expertise. When interviewed for the position, she stated that, although she "always breakfasts and prefers [her] breakfasts to be delicious," she was not sure that she had the highest possible breakfast standards. However, she then proceeded to list all of her recent breakfasts, which all included members of Breakfast in good standing. We the Committee are delighted to welcome her to the table. 

Dear What Is Breakfast Committee,

I am deciding between A) a coffee frappuccino, made in my blender with ice cream and yesterday's coffee, or B) a Toaster Strudel. Obviously I want to pick the most breakfasty option, but I am torn because A sounds more like a milkshake and B — well I'm not sure B has any real "food" in it at all, mainly cardboard with a jelly filling. Help!


PS I will be eagerly awaiting a reply, as I am hungry and incapable of making my own decisions.

Guest Committee Member Lesley:
Dear Shades, 

I hope you have learned your lesson and are now stocking your pantry with appropriate breakfast foods, like oatmeal and bagels. Your dilemma was so challenging, it took months of deliberation to come up with a suitable recommendation. Finally, I realized I was missing a glaringly obvious disqualifier: ice cream. Ice cream is not breakfast unless it is overpowered by a food that is overwhelmingly breakfasty, like scrambled eggs. One might argue that coffee makes the ice cream breakfast, but this is not so. Coffee is a drink. Drinks are merely incidental to the breakfast meal and do not have the power to wash away the sins of a dessert food masquerading as breakfast. Although I would say that a Toaster Strudel's claim to the breakfastness is tenuous at best, it is certainly the more breakfasty of the two options. 

Final vote: Ice cream plus coffee does not equal Breakfast. Toaster Strudel is only Breakfast by default. 

Co-chair Jessy:
Dear Shades of Strudel,

I agree wholeheartedly with my promising young Guest Committee Member in all respects. Although, unfortunately, now I can't stop thinking about eating eggs with ice cream. And I am a little concerned that our belief in the breakfastness of Toaster Strudels has been forged out of mere cardboard and jelly by the mad men of Pillsbury's marketing team.

Final vote: Day-old Coffee Blended with Ice Cream is Not Breakfast. A Toaster Strudel is Breakfast Because I am a Product of the Capitalist Machine.

The Committee Has Determined:

A Frappuccino is Not Breakfast. A Toaster Strudel is Breakfast When the Cupboards are Bare. Eggs and Ice Cream Should Never Be Eaten or Thought of at the Same Time.

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