a visual aid

Not Breakfast.

Breakfast!

And there you have it.

BIG NEWS IN BREAKFAST

Attention, What Is Breakfast Committee fans and loved ones! Today is a very big day in the life of continuing Breakfast studies, as today marks the return of original Co-chair Chanelle! The co-chairs are being reunited in determination form for the first time in over a year, and are very glad to see each other. We are delighted to have Chanelle back with us, and honoured that she would take time out of her busy PhDing schedule to consult with us on a topic entirely unrelated to the field of Victorian literature.

Hurrah! And now let's hurry on to the query before she has to get back to reading "Dracula." (Not Breakfast, p.s.)


Dear What Is Breakfast Committee:

Is the bible with a side of Jesus and self-flagellation, followed by a banana and Green Tea breakfast?

Sincerely,
Anonymous
(Jason)


Jessy: The banana and green tea seems like Breakfast, if a bit Skimpy. (Breakfast Lite, perhaps.) The What Is Breakfast Committee is a non-religious organization that cannot comment on the appropriateness of Bible and/or Jesus with Breakfast, unless "Jesus" is a euphemism for red wine and unleavened bread. (In which case: Unleavened Bread Is Breakfast. Red Wine Is Not Breakfast.) I would, however, like to point out that self-flagellation has proven ill-effects on the digestive system, and should be ingested with caution.


Chanelle: While the Bible itself often refers to spiritual revelation as "food" (cf. 1 Cor. 10:3-4, Heb. 5:12-4), this is widely held to be a clever deployment of metaphor. Metaphor, of course, deriving from the Latin metaphora (meaning to "carry over"), is a figure of speech that compares two essentially unlike things, claiming the one to be the other. Metaphor, then, constitutes a logical fallacy meant to bring to the fore the characteristic shared by the two. Thus, the Bible, while like food, is not actually food. So, the Bible is Not Breakfast. And, for the record, metaphor, while a primary building block of poetry and all other good things under the sun, is also Not Breakfast.


Jessy: Excellent points, my dear Co-chair. Upon further consideration, I'd also like to add that although Jesus is known as "The Bread of Life," He is also a person. And, as previously discussed, Cannibalism is Not Breakfast.


To sum up:

Unleavened Bread is Breakfast. Red Wine is Not Breakfast. Self-flagellation is Not Breakfast. The Bible is Not Breakfast. Metaphor is Not Breakfast. Cannibalism is Not Breakfast. A Banana and Green Tea Is Breakfast, But You Will Probably Be Hungry In Like An Hour And A Half.

During the What Is Breakfast Breakfast Committee's long months of silence (a very dark period in the lives of the Breakfast-challenged), we received one or two derogatory and/or threatening e-mails from former fans who were understandably disappointed by our quietude. At the time, it was difficult to know how to respond, as the best response seemed to be to resume our answers to legitimate Breakfast queries. But now that we have moved past that time of fasting, the Committee feels that it is time to start directly responding to these accusations. Today I will do so with the help of Filmmaker and Guest Committee Member David Ells (aka "Conscientious in Concord"), who I felt could be more objective in this situation than a Co-chair.


Dear What Is Breakfast Committee:

Is the "What is Breakfast Committee" a real breakfast committee or do you just pose as one for a few days out of the year when you're bored? For example, do you meet regularly (at least bi-weekly)? Do you benefit the community with special events or contests? DO YOU EAT BREAKFAST??

Sincerely,
Skeptical in Saskatchewan


Hello Sassy,

I haven’t decided whether or not whining questions from petulant children is breakfast, so I cannot yet give a verdict on this inquiry. But I can certainly answer your questions. The “What is Breakfast Committee” has long taken pride in its perfectly attended meetings. Meetings take place once daily shortly after breakfast. It is during these meetings that we hold one another accountable to true breakfast as well as review all letters of inquiry. Meetings last for approximately 3 hours and are followed by rigorous oral hygiene.

As far as the community goes, we take part in the annual Box Tops For Education drive as well as the weekly Granola For Grandmas. We have no contests.

Sincerely,
David Ells


Dear Skeptical:

I don't feel it necessary to add to Guest Committee Member Ells's verbal response, which did an excellent job of covering the full scope of what we do here at The What Is Breakfast Committee. However, I would like to offer you some photographic evidence in support of his statement, which I hope will reassure you as to the seriousness of the Committee's pursuit of Breakfast:

Co-chair Chanelle enjoying a three-hour Committee meeting, pre-oral-hygiene.

Breakfast.

Co-chair Jessy is proud to benefit the community by supporting worthy local breakfast joint, "Le Peep."

Breakfast.

In summation, The What Is Breakfast Committee Is a Real Breakfast Committee.

ANY QUESTIONS??

Sincerely,
Jessy, Co-chair, The What Is Breakfast Committee

Dear What Is Breakfast Committee,

Is a quad-shot Caramel Machiato and a Cinammon Chip Scone breakfast?

Is it breakfast if it causes a bowel movement?

Anonymous (Jason)


The Committee Is Pretty Sure They Just Answered This. (Minus the scatological concerns, which frankly they would prefer to leave out of it.) The Committee nonetheless thanks Anonymous for their persistent interest in Breakfast.