Friday, December 24, 2010

A Merry Breakfast to all!

The What Is Breakfast Committee Christmas Special is brought to you in part by the Baby Jesus, my mom's Egg Souffle, and new Guest Committee Member Carly Mexico. Carly is a big fan of cereal, a world-renowned expert on brunch, and a long-time faithful friend to both co-chairs. She also, incidentally, is the only person to own the pilot episode of Co-chair Jessy's ill-fated cooking show, Cooking with Jessypants, in which she makes huevos rancheros in about four times the amount of time it should take to make huevos rancheros.


Dear What Is Breakfast Committee:

Must Standard Breakfast Rules apply on the most magical day of the year? When my mom already said that I can have hot chocolate and christmas cookies for breakfast?? I don't love breaking Rules, but also I really love festive sweet things, and maybe the Committee could cede to the magic a little? On Christmas?

Festive in Fort Collins

Carly Mexico: I am slightly shame-faced to admit that my initial reaction to my first ever Official Breakfast Determination is, “meh, it’s Christmas, whatevs.” But, co-chairs forgive me, despite the following extended explanation, that is the core of my ruling.

To defend my position, let me first say that I’m a sucker for all things Christmas. In my experience, “Hey, it’s Christmas!” is enough of an excuse to cover a multitude of sins (well, at least gluttony… I totally don’t get on board with those office Christmas party shenanigans). So, there’s that.

For a more professional answer, let me pose a question in response: are cookies really that much less Breakfast than doughnuts? I’m from Massachusetts, friends, running on Dunkin is in my blood. So if coffee and doughnuts are generally regarded as a passable, if not nutritionally-balanced breakfast, can we really disregard the short and seasonable step to hot chocolate and cookies, given the circumstances? I'm assuming, as it's Christmas, that later in the day there will be much feasting; surely the green bean casserole and brussles sprouts will make up for whatever nutritional elements are lacking from the morning's epicurean delights.

Finally, I direct your attention to Festive’s mother, who already said hot chocolate and cookies were OK. I rest my case.

My answer: Hot Chocolate and Christmas cookies are A Very Merry Breakfast. But only on Christmas morning.

Jessy: I think I'm having a crisis of conscience. I've never had one before, but I think this is what one would feel like.

My first inclination (the opposite of Carly Mexico's) was something along the lines of, "are you KIDDING me??!?" The idea of eating hot chocolate and cookies and calling it Breakfast seems like an affront to everything that the WIBC stands for. (And on a personal note, it makes me physically ill to think about it.) Festivity is not a good enough excuse (as we saw in our response to An Endorser of the Exceptional Breakfast long ago). And we all know that BAH-HUMBUG stands for Breakfast Always Has Healthy Underpinnings, Mostly By Unchoosing Gumdrops.

But unfortunately, my Esteemed Guest Committee Member has made a compelling argument. (And not just because she used the word "shenanigans.") Even as the Scrooge of Breakfast, I have been known to make allowances for items like scones or donuts. And she's right! Donuts aren't any more like real food than Christmas cookies are! Particularly if you get them with enough frosting! Which is disgusting, but as previously mentioned, I am not a member of the What Is Disgusting Committee! And none of this would even matter, except it's Christmas, and I've consumed dozens of Christmas movies over the years, all of which have taught me that the rules of the universe don't apply on Christmas, and, and, and...

Oh fine, it's Breakfast.


Merry Christmas.

[Ed.: And for the sake of appeasing the very cranky man in the comments, and my own conflicted conscience, please at least consider sprinkling your Christmas cookies with, I don't know... bananas?]


Mark Adair said...

Christmas, schristmas...maybe you two should search for the What is a Backbone site and see if they're handing them out for free, since it's Christmas and all.

As opposed as I am to opposing things I can't sit idly by...and believe me it doesn't get more idly than this...and allow all that What is Breakfast represents to be dismantled before my very eyes...or my unvery eyes for that matter.

And to think of all the kids that will now come to their parents on Christmas morning and say, "I want cookies and hot chocolate for breakfast, NOW, because the WIBC said it was okay."

Hhhrmmmppphhhh...and bah humbug.

President CPACAHCFCB (Concerned Parents Against Cookies And Hot Chocolate For Christmas Breakfast)

carly said...

In the face of being cyber-reprimanded by my friend's dad, I do have to say that, given the choice, it would NOT be my Christmas Breakfast; I opt for a bit more of a traditional, savory option. But, I stand by my opinion- who am I to deny the happiness of a cookie and cup of chocolate on the Most Wonderful Day of the Year? If it's good enough for Santa... And, again, if these young kiddos approach their parents on December 26 and rely on the WIBC's ruling, we will point to the "One Day Only" caveat and give them a banana.

jls said...

Haha, Guest Committee Member Carly - I was JUST about to add a note about bananas to this post. I think I still will. GREAT MINDS, I tell ya...

Mark Adair said...

Wow, I haven't received this much flack since I headed the CPATAOGT - Concerned Parents Against Trees And Other Green Things.